Lena jumped up and followed him out. She called Paul a pig, or a slob, or something to that effect. Paul responded, "You gotta have a swine to show you where the truffles are."
Lena retorted, "Where are the truffles? We've been together 6 years and I haven't seen even one truffle. Show me truffles!"
Paul sulked as they walked towards the beach. He squinted at the houses on his left and then at Lena's feet on his right. After the silence became awkward, Paul started singing, "I can't get no satisfaction . . . I can't get no girl reaction." Lena was silent. Paul started another song. "And love will steer the stars; this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius, the age of Aquarius!"
Lena started humming, "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" and then sung at the top of her lungs, "How does it feel to be on your own? With no direction home? Like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?
Paul came back with, "Come on, baby, light my fire. Try to set the night on fire."
Just then, Cookie Monster dropped out of the Jacaranda tree they were passing under onto the sidewalk in front of them. Cookie Monster stood there with his arms outstretched and his mouth open. Lena moaned, "Not again." Paul grabbed Lena's hand and was about to lead her around C.M. when Cookie Monster yelled, "Me want cookie!"
"No!" Lena shouted at him, shaking her fist in the monster's direction.
"Then I eat boyfriend." Cookie Monster growled back matter-of-factly.
"Fine," Lena answered. "Eat him and his truffles."
"Truffles! Yum!" and Cookie Monster was upon Paul instantly.
Lena pulled a bag of cookies out of her pocket, sat down on someone's lawn, and began to snack on an oatmeal raisin while she watched Cookie Monster devour Paul. She had always been amused at how Cookie Monster throws the bits and pieces of his meal up in the air towards his mouth as he finishes up.
Kermit hopped out of the bushes and sat next to Lena. "It's not easy bein' green, you know" he commented. Lena offered him a chocolate chip cookie. Cookie monster finished eating Paul and his head swung around quickly towards Lena and Kermit.
To be continued...
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Humpty Dumpty
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean--neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--that's all."
Lewis Carroll
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Jabberwocky
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!
An as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
and burbled as it came!
One two, One two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!
An as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
and burbled as it came!
One two, One two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.
Lewis Carroll
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Do Cats Eat Bats? . . . Do Bats Eat Cats?
"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."
Lewis Carroll
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland [1865]
introduction, st. 6
Monday, March 28, 2005
Lady Windermere's Fan
"What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing."
"I can resist everything except for temptation."
"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train."
"I can resist everything except for temptation."
"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train."
Oscar Wilde
Thus Let Me Live
This is what Garlic Boy says under his breath each day right before class hoping that he won't get called on by the professors:
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown,
Thus unlamented let me die,
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown,
Thus unlamented let me die,
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.
Alexander Pope
Ode on Solitude [c. 1700], st. 5
Happy Birthday Caroline!
Carrie,
Happy birthday. I'm sorry you are sick. Get well soon.
Love,
Garlic Boy
Happy birthday. I'm sorry you are sick. Get well soon.
Love,
Garlic Boy
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Monday, March 21, 2005
My Type of School
When I was little my mom would get really mad at me sometimes. She told me that if I was naughty she would call the police and that they would arrest me. I thought she was making it all up. Until today...
5-Year-Old Cuffed, Arrested in Florida
5-Year-Old Girl Cuffed, Taken Away in Police Cruiser in Florida After School Outburst
The Associated Press
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. Mar 18, 2005 — A 5-year-old girl was arrested, cuffed and put in back of a police cruiser after an outburst at school where she threw books and boxes, kicked a teacher in the shins, smashed a candy dish, hit an assistant principal in the stomach and drew on the walls.
The students were counting jelly beans as part of a math exercise at Fairmount Park Elementary School when the little girl began acting silly. That's when her teacher took away her jelly beans, outraging the child.
Minutes later, the 40-pound girl was in the back of a police cruiser, under arrest for battery. Her hands were bound with plastic ties, her ankles in handcuffs.
"I don't want to go to jail," she said moments after her arrest Monday.
No charges were filed and the girl went home with her mother.
While police say their actions were proper, school officials were not pleased with the outcome.
"We never want to have 5-year-old children arrested," said Michael Bessette, the district's Area III superintendent.
The district's campus police should have been called to help and not local police, he said.
Bessette said campus police routinely deal with children and are trained to calm them in such situations.
Under the district's code of student conduct, students are to be suspended for 10 days and recommended for expulsion for unprovoked attacks, even if they don't result in serious injury. But district spokesman Ron Stone said that rule wouldn't apply to kindergartners.
"She's been appropriately disciplined under the circumstances," he said.
The girl's mother, Inda Akins, said she is consulting an attorney.
"She's never going back to that school," Akins said. "They set my baby up."
5-Year-Old Cuffed, Arrested in Florida
5-Year-Old Girl Cuffed, Taken Away in Police Cruiser in Florida After School Outburst
The Associated Press
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. Mar 18, 2005 — A 5-year-old girl was arrested, cuffed and put in back of a police cruiser after an outburst at school where she threw books and boxes, kicked a teacher in the shins, smashed a candy dish, hit an assistant principal in the stomach and drew on the walls.
The students were counting jelly beans as part of a math exercise at Fairmount Park Elementary School when the little girl began acting silly. That's when her teacher took away her jelly beans, outraging the child.
Minutes later, the 40-pound girl was in the back of a police cruiser, under arrest for battery. Her hands were bound with plastic ties, her ankles in handcuffs.
"I don't want to go to jail," she said moments after her arrest Monday.
No charges were filed and the girl went home with her mother.
While police say their actions were proper, school officials were not pleased with the outcome.
"We never want to have 5-year-old children arrested," said Michael Bessette, the district's Area III superintendent.
The district's campus police should have been called to help and not local police, he said.
Bessette said campus police routinely deal with children and are trained to calm them in such situations.
Under the district's code of student conduct, students are to be suspended for 10 days and recommended for expulsion for unprovoked attacks, even if they don't result in serious injury. But district spokesman Ron Stone said that rule wouldn't apply to kindergartners.
"She's been appropriately disciplined under the circumstances," he said.
The girl's mother, Inda Akins, said she is consulting an attorney.
"She's never going back to that school," Akins said. "They set my baby up."
Goodnight Bird
To see Goodnight Bird and Linny the Guinea Pig in Space go to http://www.nickjr.com/ and then click on the orange and yellow box labeled "Nick Jr. Playtime" on the left side of the screen. Next click "stories" and then "all stories." After that click on the bright orange arrow to the right and then on the picture of a little bird sleeping in his next beneath the moon and stars. To see "Linny" click on the green video camera in the top right hand corner of the screen. After that click on "all stories" and look for the little Guinea Pig wearing a space helmet.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Friday, March 11, 2005
Funny and Original
My Adventure with Bryan Brown and the Freeway of Life
Twas the start of spring break and all through the school
there were rustlings and bustlings and plans for the pool.
Said my deskmate to me, let us go to Sam's Club
we'll get a mattress for you and for me a big tub
of macaroni with cheese and your guests won't feel dumpy
they'll sleep well on that bed even if they are plumpy.
"I have very few funds," I said with a look
still, my guests' comfort comes first in my book.
Imagine our sorrow and great alarm at the view
when the bungee cord snapped and out the bed flew.
Then two rednecky trucks rolled right over the prize;
can you picture the horror, the alarm in my eyes?
When out of the dust who should appear
my friend the hero, his will sharp like a spear.
He dashed into traffic, jumped over a biker;
I stood there aghast beside a hitch-hiker.
He dodged two tractor trailers and just like a roe*
he leapt out of traffic with the mattress in tow!
He placed the now wavy pad in the bed of my truck
and then seeing my sorrow cursed the bad luck.
A more noble creature I'll never meet.
No one more determined with such nimble feet
has ever acted so bravely, with such lightning speed.
His most capricious command will now be my creed.
It's a true friend who'll take you shopping instead
of doing his homework and then risk his life for your bed.
*roe /rō/ n. (also roe-deer) a small Eurasian deer, Capreolus capreolus, with short pointed antlers. The roe is bred for its skills in magic and was renowned by the ancient Greeks for its noble character and ability to make all your wildest dreams come true.
Twas the start of spring break and all through the school
there were rustlings and bustlings and plans for the pool.
Said my deskmate to me, let us go to Sam's Club
we'll get a mattress for you and for me a big tub
of macaroni with cheese and your guests won't feel dumpy
they'll sleep well on that bed even if they are plumpy.
"I have very few funds," I said with a look
still, my guests' comfort comes first in my book.
Imagine our sorrow and great alarm at the view
when the bungee cord snapped and out the bed flew.
Then two rednecky trucks rolled right over the prize;
can you picture the horror, the alarm in my eyes?
When out of the dust who should appear
my friend the hero, his will sharp like a spear.
He dashed into traffic, jumped over a biker;
I stood there aghast beside a hitch-hiker.
He dodged two tractor trailers and just like a roe*
he leapt out of traffic with the mattress in tow!
He placed the now wavy pad in the bed of my truck
and then seeing my sorrow cursed the bad luck.
A more noble creature I'll never meet.
No one more determined with such nimble feet
has ever acted so bravely, with such lightning speed.
His most capricious command will now be my creed.
It's a true friend who'll take you shopping instead
of doing his homework and then risk his life for your bed.
*roe /rō/ n. (also roe-deer) a small Eurasian deer, Capreolus capreolus, with short pointed antlers. The roe is bred for its skills in magic and was renowned by the ancient Greeks for its noble character and ability to make all your wildest dreams come true.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Great Article
MUDDIED WATERS IN MICHIGAN
By James Kilpatrick
Seventeen years have passed since John Rapanos had his great idea: He would dump dirt and sand on 50 acres he owned in Michigan. On them he would build a shopping center and other structures. Three counties would benefit from new taxes, thousands of people would have jobs, and everyone would live happily ever after.
That was 1988. This is now, and Rapanos is asking the Supreme Court to get him out of a jam he got himself into. Trouble is, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers says those acres are wetlands, and nobody is going to build anything on a wetland without the engineers' OK. Constant readers will recall that I have sided with John Rapanos before. In person, he may be a most agreeable companion. In this lawsuit he comes across as a mulish fellow, determined to have his own way, no matter what. He has managed to raise the hackles of every federal judge (but one), every army engineer and every government witness he has encountered since the case began. He can be a Very Difficult Man. But in this controversy, he's right-on. To shorten a long and unhappy story, state authorities advised him repeatedly in the 1980s that the several sites were federally protected wetlands. To develop them, he would need permits. Rapanos repeatedly ignored them. He hired a consultant to be his expert witness. When the consultant brought in a report saying the site was indeed a wetland, he fired the consultant. In April 1989, still without a permit from the army engineers, Rapanos began preparing the site for construction. He dumped sand over the wetland vegetation. At one site he set bulldozers to building roads. The Environmental Protection Agency sent him a compliance order. He ignored it. The state issued a cease-and-desist order. He neither ceased nor desisted. Eventually, the federal government ran out of patience and filed both civil and criminal charges against him for violation of the Clean Water Act. The charges led to repeated trials and appeals. At one point, U.S. District Judge Lawrence Zatkoff said the government had gone "crazy" in its criminal prosecution. Proceedings led finally to a fine of $185,000 and a sentence of at least 10 months in a federal prison. John Rapanos is now 70 years old. The sentence is in abeyance. The separate civil action in U.S. District Court led to penalties and mitigation fees that add up to several million dollars. Last July a panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit reluctantly affirmed the civil judgment. On Jan. 28, with the help of the Pacific Legal Foundation, Rapanos appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. This is a case the high court should hear. U.S. District Judge Danny C. Reeves, sitting in the 6th Circuit by designation, began by emphasizing that the act's reach does not extend to all waters. There are jurisdictional limits, but these are "far from obvious." In two leading cases, the Supreme Court has done little "to clear the muddied waters" of the act's jurisdiction. Still, in determining a "significant nexus" between wetlands and navigable waters, the engineers' interpretation is entitled to deference. Unless their interpretation is "arbitrary, unreasonable, and manifestly contrary to the statute," it must prevail. It is not necessary to federal jurisdiction, said the court, that wetlands be adjacent to navigable waters. Congress "clearly intended that the Clean Waters Act's jurisdiction would extend to bodies of water exhibiting a hydrological connection to traditional navigable waters." There is a "symbiotic relationship" that must be respected. Symbiotic relationship? Hydrological connection? In the name of the founding fathers, what are we talking about? The federal government's case against John Rapanos hangs on gossamer threads. Under the Constitution, Congress has power "to regulate commerce among the several states" and "to provide for the general welfare of the United States." Here there is not the slightest evidence that the Rapanos "wetlands" figure in interstate commerce. We are not talking of national parks that contribute to the general welfare. We are talking about federal control over a drainage ditch 20 miles from Saginaw Bay in the sovereign state of Michigan. Faithful readers have tolerated me for nearly 60 years as an unreconstructed defender of the 10th Amendment. If Michigan wants to pursue its case against John Rapanos under its own laws protecting its own wetlands, it has that power. Until then, sound constitutional doctrine requires that those 50 soggy acres be off-limits to the feds.
By James Kilpatrick
Seventeen years have passed since John Rapanos had his great idea: He would dump dirt and sand on 50 acres he owned in Michigan. On them he would build a shopping center and other structures. Three counties would benefit from new taxes, thousands of people would have jobs, and everyone would live happily ever after.
That was 1988. This is now, and Rapanos is asking the Supreme Court to get him out of a jam he got himself into. Trouble is, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers says those acres are wetlands, and nobody is going to build anything on a wetland without the engineers' OK. Constant readers will recall that I have sided with John Rapanos before. In person, he may be a most agreeable companion. In this lawsuit he comes across as a mulish fellow, determined to have his own way, no matter what. He has managed to raise the hackles of every federal judge (but one), every army engineer and every government witness he has encountered since the case began. He can be a Very Difficult Man. But in this controversy, he's right-on. To shorten a long and unhappy story, state authorities advised him repeatedly in the 1980s that the several sites were federally protected wetlands. To develop them, he would need permits. Rapanos repeatedly ignored them. He hired a consultant to be his expert witness. When the consultant brought in a report saying the site was indeed a wetland, he fired the consultant. In April 1989, still without a permit from the army engineers, Rapanos began preparing the site for construction. He dumped sand over the wetland vegetation. At one site he set bulldozers to building roads. The Environmental Protection Agency sent him a compliance order. He ignored it. The state issued a cease-and-desist order. He neither ceased nor desisted. Eventually, the federal government ran out of patience and filed both civil and criminal charges against him for violation of the Clean Water Act. The charges led to repeated trials and appeals. At one point, U.S. District Judge Lawrence Zatkoff said the government had gone "crazy" in its criminal prosecution. Proceedings led finally to a fine of $185,000 and a sentence of at least 10 months in a federal prison. John Rapanos is now 70 years old. The sentence is in abeyance. The separate civil action in U.S. District Court led to penalties and mitigation fees that add up to several million dollars. Last July a panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit reluctantly affirmed the civil judgment. On Jan. 28, with the help of the Pacific Legal Foundation, Rapanos appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. This is a case the high court should hear. U.S. District Judge Danny C. Reeves, sitting in the 6th Circuit by designation, began by emphasizing that the act's reach does not extend to all waters. There are jurisdictional limits, but these are "far from obvious." In two leading cases, the Supreme Court has done little "to clear the muddied waters" of the act's jurisdiction. Still, in determining a "significant nexus" between wetlands and navigable waters, the engineers' interpretation is entitled to deference. Unless their interpretation is "arbitrary, unreasonable, and manifestly contrary to the statute," it must prevail. It is not necessary to federal jurisdiction, said the court, that wetlands be adjacent to navigable waters. Congress "clearly intended that the Clean Waters Act's jurisdiction would extend to bodies of water exhibiting a hydrological connection to traditional navigable waters." There is a "symbiotic relationship" that must be respected. Symbiotic relationship? Hydrological connection? In the name of the founding fathers, what are we talking about? The federal government's case against John Rapanos hangs on gossamer threads. Under the Constitution, Congress has power "to regulate commerce among the several states" and "to provide for the general welfare of the United States." Here there is not the slightest evidence that the Rapanos "wetlands" figure in interstate commerce. We are not talking of national parks that contribute to the general welfare. We are talking about federal control over a drainage ditch 20 miles from Saginaw Bay in the sovereign state of Michigan. Faithful readers have tolerated me for nearly 60 years as an unreconstructed defender of the 10th Amendment. If Michigan wants to pursue its case against John Rapanos under its own laws protecting its own wetlands, it has that power. Until then, sound constitutional doctrine requires that those 50 soggy acres be off-limits to the feds.
Monday, March 07, 2005
Sunday, March 06, 2005
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