Fun Holiday Season

Amanda enjoyed a birthday party with many of her friends.

Although their uncle won't admit it, he has fun playing with the girls.

Beth, Mom, and Amanda sledding at Mueller State Park. This time it was me, rather than Dale, who was unsuccessful at taking mom out--permanently. Perhaps if we had worked together...

The EXTREMELY warm and cozy party cabin that Mom and Dad rented.

Dale pretending to be surprised.

Portrait of Cruelty

Janel always pretends she is sad when she is in a picture with me. That is her attempt to mask the physical abuse that I endure at her hand each day of my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!

Happy Birthday!
We love this man so much because he is a great father and husband.

I couldn't find a recent picture of just David by himself but the girls add a cute touch.
We took this on Amanda's first day of school.

I love Fall

Amanda has been asking for weeks when there would be enough leaves to jump into. So, the winds came and blew the trees and soon our yard was covered with fall leaves.

Holy...Neighbor, Batman

"The Load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor's glory should be laid on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it...It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship...It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all plays, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal...Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses."

-C.S. Lewis Quoted in "Lawyers and the Atonement" by Thomas B. Griffith. Life in the Law, 2004, 238.

Scary Pumpkins

We decided to paint the pumpkins this year. The girls thought they looked pretty scary.
I'm going to brag a little bit because it took a lot of work. These are the pumpkins from my garden and we have 11 more. I've been making pumpkin bread and pumpkin pancakes. I'm going to make some pie this week too. I really enjoyed seeing my garden grow and produce vegetables. The girls had a lot of fun helping me, too.

Move Here

Colorado Springs rules your face.

Announcement

And the results of the latest ultrasound are......

A GIRL AND A BOY!!!!

8 YEARS

Downtown with the Brown(s)

Bryan, Karin, Adam, and Austin are in town. Yesterday we went to Garden of the Gods to see the beautiful rock formations and then to Manitou Springs to see the hippies. We also ate humongous hamburgers at a dive around the corner from our house.

Amanda says: "We goed home after we did ate hangaburs. And we goed to sleep. We climbed the rocks at Gardens of the Gods. And we watched some guys climb some rocks."

Karin says: "I had fun tagging along with Bryan and Dave on their date."

Janel says: "I am a hottie with a body...pregnant body"

Janel's Garden

"If haply one has seen my Cato's house,
His shingles stained with red,
His garden over which Priapus watched..."
[Suetonius, On Grammarians XI]

"My nature suits any role: turn me to which you wish, and I shall fit it well" [Vertumnus. Propertius, Elegies 4.2]

Janel harvested quite a few pumpkins today. Fall has arrived and we took a drive Friday night to see the Aspens.

Dragons are NOT Cool

By guest blogger James Shepley from Garlic Boy's Webelos Den

Although many people think that dragons are cool they are not. This is a proven scientific theory. If dragons were actually awesome they would not be extinct.

I wish dragons had never existed because I hate anything that has to do with dragons. My friend Ronald says that dragons are very agile and can burn stuff while they are flying. (Well Ronald congratulations you have just proved that you are an idiot dragon-lover.) If a dragon ever tried to shoot fire from its mouth while it was flying the fire would fly back into the dragons face and burn his eyes. Just like the time you spit out of my mom's car on the freeway Ronald.

Ronald also thinks that dragons' scales are like the armor plating on a tank. Think again Ronald! They would be too heavy and dragons wouldn't be able to fly. I think that the greatest mythical beast is the Karkadann. Who cares if it went blind after killing an elephant?! Anyone who has had lots of melted elephant fat flow into his eyes will understand that predicament.

So many people are in love with dragons. They obviously haven't ever watched Mulan. If that movie doesn't make you hate dragons then you are an Oprah lover too. My other friend, Damian, draws dragons in his spare time. That is why he is flunking math.

Dragons are weak because they love gold and trinkets. Lame. I only know of one other person who loves trinkets as much as dragons and that is Damian. Damian has a lot of dragon stuff and dolls too. You can take Damian's dragon quiz here.

In conclusion I would like to say that if you love dragons you should have to fight the Karkadann.

Busy...but...not busy?

Just read about all the things that have been happening at the Warner home!

1. The Fish family stopped by on there way home to Texas. It was just like old times. The girls just looked at each other and said "Hi." Leah and I were expecting screams and big hugs. It was so nice to see close friends. David was excited because Zeb brought his Wii. [Editor's note: Wii, not wee.]

2. Amanda started school on August 16. She loves it and is learning so much. David drops her off on his way to work and I pick her up after Hailey and I take a nap. [Editor's note: Janel takes a nap every stinking day!!! And still goes to bed at 8:30!!! She must be pregnant with twins.] Today when Amanda got home she practiced writing her letters for an hour. On Saturday she asked why she couldn't go to school. I was a little nervous before the school-year started because she attends all-day kindergarten but she is handling it just fine.

3. David got called to be the Webelos leader. He is going to be great at teaching the boys to burn stuff. [Editor's note: A Webelos leader need only possess 5 objects to successfully entertain the den. A match, a knife, a rope, a stick, and a bucket of water.]

4. We went camping Labor Day weekend with David's parents, brothers, sister, and cousins. We camped next to a river and it was very beautiful.

5. Hailey and I went to the Colorado Springs Zoo yesterday [Cheyenne Mountain Zoo] with our friend Heather and her boys. It was a lot of fun. The zoo is on the side of the mountain so it was a really good work out. They had three baby giraffes. Hailey got to feed a giraffe a cracker and got scared when his long tongue came out to get the cracker.

6. We are going to find out the gender of our babies on October 2. So that will probably be the next time we post. [Editor's note: If you're lucky.]

7. Our camera broke right before the Fish family came to visit so we have no new pictures. Hopefully we will get a camera soon. [Editor's note: I'm working as hard as I can, Janel.]

8. Amy and Josh Oelrich travelled to Colorado Springs so that David could help them finalize their adoption. Scott and Kristie Lawrence also came to witness the joyous occasion. David got to question Josh and Amy under oath and gave me a transcript of the proceedings so that I could post some of the questions David asked.

Question: "Mr. Oelrich, answer this question "yes" or "no." Have you stopped beating your wife?"

Question: "Mrs. Oelrich, isn't it true that you regularly give your children juice boxes with no natural fruit juice added?"

So anyhow, the court finalized the adoption in spite of the attorney and David was very pleased to have been a part of such a special occasion in the lives of some of his favorite and closest friends from Gilroy and Hollister. Many of you might not know this but David lived down the street from the Lawrence family when he was in high school and rode the Lawrence/Warner commuter scooter frequently.

Now Janel is complaining that I have taken over her post when I was only supposed to proof-read it. Well, I cannot help that she has a tremendous ______ and is now demanding that I join her in the ________. Janel, Janel, if the world only knew you like I do.

Thank you everyone! Our due date is February 21, but we

will probably deliver at 35-37 weeks. We our very excited.

The girls and David are hoping for boys and it doesn't matter to me.

Here's the Scene:

As the sun sets on a glorious summer day, the family enjoys the cool shade of the evening in the backyard. Janel sits on the tailgate of the pick-up truck, head in her hands, looking down at the ground. The girls jump on the trampoline as I water the lawn. Amanda, still jumping, with concern in her voice, asks, "What's wrong Mom?" Janel looks up slowly and replies, "Nothing, I'm just looking at the ground." I walk over to the trampoline, look gravely at the children, and in a low voice inform my bright bouncing daughters, "Your mother has lost the will to live." Amanda, without missing a beat, looks at her mom and asks, "Because of us?

Can you guess what Janel said next?

Camping

We went on a four-day-camping trip over the Memorial Day holiday weekend. It was fun even though I was the only one to catch a delicious fish. I named him Slimy, because he was.

We did a lot of dirt-bike riding and fishing. Thanks to my mom, we also did a lot of eating. It was really cold at night and the weather during the day was perfect.

Here are some pictures that Dale and Carrie took on the last day of the trip:

The girls hung out at base camp and waited for their turn on the ATV.

Motorcycles are loud.

Dad and Amanda riding the ATV.

Mikey had a lot of fun too. I don't think he was bored in this picture.

Hailey loves dirt.

Amanda loves to stay clean.

The boys consulting a map.

Hailey was a happy little passenger. I could tell because she got a lot of bugs in her teeth. Don't worry, we kept it under 60 mph.

The trail we rode the last day had a little bit of everything and was my favorite of the trip. The trail passed through a beautiful meadow.

I had to go back and forth a few times so that Dale could snap a few pictures.

Dale looking very natural and huge.

I wasn't allowed to post any pictures with Carrie in them. Janel didn't like how she looked in those.

Learnings

Maybe Janel is ruining Hailey's life.

Something that is very important to me is good parenting. We all know that children don't come with instruction manuals and that you don't have to get a license to be a parent. Nevertheless, if children did come with manuals, I would want them to be translated from Chinese. I don't care who you are, those are always funny. "Apply the toothbrush at many occasions over times caring each tooth with lucky haste."

I guess it is better that there aren't any manuals for children. Nobody would read them anyway because of all the warnings and legal disclaimers at the beginning. "Warning: Child may vomit. A lot. On your carpet, on your face, etc. Always wear eye and ear protection while in the presence of the child. Do not consume with alcohol. Avoid direct sunlight."

When one of my children shouts the same thing over and over at me, I repeat what the child is screaming at me back to the child. This is so that she will understand that I hear, just like everyone else at Wal*Mart, that the child wants "that." This is an essential part of communication and parenting. Scientists call it "yelling" or "losing your temper." Another good parenting technique is to "threaten" the child. Here is an example of good yelling...

Hailey: "I don't wanna go home!! I don't wanna go home! I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!!!"
Daddy: "You don't want to go home!"
Hailey: "I don't wanna go home!!!"
Daddy: "Hailey! You don't want to go home, do you!?"
Hailey: "Uh-huh! I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!"
Daddy: "YOU DON'T WANNA GO HOME, RIGHT!?"
Hailey: "I don't wanna go home!!!"
Daddy: "Too bad, we're going home now."
Hailey: "I DON'T WANNA GO HOME!!!"
Daddy: "You don't want to go!"

Pirates never have a big enough treasure chest. Sometimes I pretend I'm a judge at a dog show and I walk up to a group of girls and point to them in succession while yelling, "First, second, third!" Then I walk away. One of them looks like she's very sad. One of the other girls looks smug and says to the sad girl, "It's okay, you can't help that your spine isn't straight."

A tip for all the husbands out there. Next time your wife complains that her back is itchy and dry and then makes you rub lotion on the dry spot, think for a minute. Don't apply the lotion with only two fingers and say: "This is grossing me out."

I think that is a major difference between girls and boys. Girls don't like to be gross. Me? I'm okay with the giant black boogers I get after I mow the lawn. I think they're endearing. My wife? Not so into black boogers.

My little brother is ten. I love to watch him, because its like seeing myself. I always say this, but when you're ten all those songs you learned in grade school are at their most hilarious. You know, "...Batman smells, Robin laid an egg..." A lot of people say they wish they could read their favorite book again for the first time. Experience it as they did before they knew ever detail and nuance. Sometimes, I wish I were ten again so that my friends would laugh at my black booger jokes. But that's just me.

I could go on but my wife wants me to rub some lotion on her feet. Sick!

13 or 3?

I decided that Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus would have to be forbidden from my house for a few years. Hailey recently quoted the movie by yelling, "You're ruining my life!" while I was putting her in time-out.

Girl, I Gotta Know...

I'm embedding this video for 5 reasons:

1. Scott, Adam, Tim, Lane and I once took a picture with a lady at a gas station in Turlock who looks just like the drummer.
2. 5 dudes broke their ankles by jumping off stuff.
3. I want a ceiling like that in my house.
4. People are totally rocking out.
5. The guitar solo doesn't suck.

Dad Jeans

Mom Jeans

Fishing Trip

Oh, how I love my husband and girls. We went fishing a few weeks ago. Amanda and Hailey found some "hot dog sticks" to play with. Which still makes me laugh because they are just cattails. They sat in the dirt and kept pulling apart the cattails even when the wind blew the fuzz back in their faces. I really love David, just look at him.

Colorado Oath

Click on the picture of Amanda and Hailey to read their stickers.

-Janel

I'M BACK IN THE SIZZLE!

All I can say is that I'm back and I'm more manly than ever. Maybe it was the oath I took today in Denver. Maybe its because I have two radical dirt bikes in my garage. Or maybe its the fact that my wife is hotter than a deep-fried tater-tot. I don't know. All I know is that I'm back and ready to blog your brains out.

First topic:

Warriors-Dallas Series: Awesome. No matter how bad Utah beat Golden State yesterday, no one can ever say (credibly) that the Mavs/Warriors series wasn't great. Thanks for making the NBA Playoffs fun again for 1 week, Warriors.

Second topic:

Camping over Memorial Day weekend. Going to be awesome. We already visited our camping spot for a picnic/preview last weekend. We even fished a little. That didn't go so well, but the scenery was incredible. Man, I'm using a lot of superlatives tonight.

That's okay...I started a new chapter to my book about Uncle Larry. Most of my material comes from a real life super-secret terrorist cell around the corner from my house. I am not making this up. Even though the sign out front says "Ninja University," we all know that it is just a front for a band of mercenaries bent on destroying the U.S. Olympic Training Center just blocks away.

Don't believe me? It exists! Just click here . . . if you dare. The U.S. Olympic Training Center is just so close and so patriotic. How can the Ninjas resist? They can't!

Gymnastics is having a Spring Gala May 6-19. The parents and family get to sit in the gym and take pictures. Next week Amanda will get a medal and will put on a show with the other girls in her class. Watch the video for a preview. There was only two girls yesterday so the teacher invited Hailey to join the class.

Gymnastics Class

Warner Garden

David and I are planting our first garden. The girls helped me put the dirt and the seeds in the cups. We have been having a lot of fun waiting and watching the vegetables grow. The zucchini and luttuce are doing the best. This is Hailey's string bean she planted at the Primary activity. Amanda's didn't make it.