Dear Jacket Lady

Dear Lady on the Bus,
Maybe you were wearing a t-shirt with an inflammatory slogan like, "Got Alien Blessings?" We all felt the heat. Everyone knew. Don’t you think that the bus driver was uncomfortable too? The driver had the air conditioner turned all the way up. Why didn’t you take off your jacket? After you asked the driver to turn up the air for the third time, I asked you, "Ma’am, why don’t you just remove your jacket?" You let out an exasperated sigh and flopped back into your seat. Maybe you have hairy forearms. It is a very nice windbreaker; shiny on the outside and soft on the inside. I've noticed that you wear it every day. Do you know that it is July? All that insulation on the inside makes it look puffy. You had it zipped up almost all the way. Maybe you have awful tattoos of unicorns on your arms? Why wouldn’t you take off your jacket? The entire bus heard you bugging the driver about the air conditioner not working. The entire bus heard you whining about the heat from under your extra-nice, fleece-lined windbreaker. Why wouldn’t you take off your jacket?

Little Pedro

Little Pedro,

I forbid you to talk to Skin Hoarder.

Love,
Garlicboy

Faithful and Patient Readers

Gentle Readers,

I apologize for not responding to your comments. You are a clever and witty audience. I have the slowest internet connection in the world. My posts will become more numerous as my connection speed increases.

Forever Yours,

Garlicboy

Hey, That's not a Sprinkler!

Other titles I considered for this post:

• There is no Detergent in Your Pee
• Hey! I Sit There!
• What? Are You too Sissy to Use a Urinal?
• Lift the Seat, Don't Leave a Treat
• You Filthy Animal

Only a handful of men work on the same floor as me. We each get a key for access to very clean staff restrooms. I enjoy the privacy and tidiness, but I have noticed that one of us doesn't lift the lid. I was washing my hands two days ago when I noticed someone enter a stall. There were two urinals free, so that got my attention. I waited to see if he sat down or not. There is NO reason for a man to use a stall unless he has a catheter or he has to "release the hostages." He decided to pee standing up without lifting the lid. I looked over the door and whispered in his ear, "You forgot to lift the lid, Sprinkles." I saw him again today in the hall. He entered the staff bathrooms on the opposite side of our floor.