Facts:

1. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Three days later he grew a beard.

3. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and then threw it up a few seconds later fully cooked with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

4. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him dinner.

5. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

6. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

School Calendar

Christmas Break: 12/22/05 to 1/04/06

March 11 - 19, 2006: Spring Break (busy quarter)

April 14 - 16, 2006: Easter Break (busy quarter)

Break between quarters: April 29 - May 8, 2006 (good time for a visit)

July 25 - 27: Bar Exam

July 29: Commencement

My Hernia

Along the inguinal ligament near the lower intestinal wall
I've got a little secret so don't shout it in the hall.
He's my little buddy so please don't laugh or tease,
he lets me know that he's still there each time I cough or sneeze.

My friend is very sensitive, sweet, and extra kind,
he's a bit of small intestine that has gotten in a bind.
He's really worked quite hard and he's found a little tear;
Bob's a section of my bowel trying to escape and get some air.

My hernia's name is Bob, and when I do some stuff he sings,
like laughing, straining on the toilet, and lifting heavy things.
Bob is not as bad as you might think him to be
He's aching for some freedom and to live outside of me.

Bob's life is very difficult for he never quite escapes
I've caught him quite a few times making interesting shapes.
If Bob ever gets too sassy in trying to protrude
I poke him firmly and I tell him, "Get back in their dude."

Love, Love, Love

I'd like to dedicate this post to my good friends, Janel and David. This picture reminds me of a song my good buddy, Steve, from Blues Clues, likes to sing; "love, love, love." I bet that Janel and David smooched right after this picture. In fact, I bet that Janel is always bugging David for smooches. Poor David.

Baylor Law School Tops Bar Exam Pass Rate - Again

Nov. 7, 2005

Baylor Law School's winning tradition continues as its students again posted the highest passing percentage in the latest Texas Bar Exam. Results announced this week show that Baylor law students achieved a 93.51 percent pass rate for the bar exam taken in July 2005, topping the pass rates of students from the other eight law schools in the state.
Of the 77 Baylor law students who took the two-day examination, 72 passed. The overall state pass rate was 83.14 percent, with a total of 1,519 successful candidates among the 1,827 students who took the exam.
The bar exam is given twice each year and Baylor Law School has an unsurpassed record of success on the exam. Law Dean Brad Toben said the first-place result again underscores the effectiveness of Baylor Law School's distinctive program.
"This is yet again a testament to our longstanding and proven approach to the education of our students for service within a profession; a team of faculty and staff that consistently goes to the mat for our students and for this school, putting students first; and our stated mission as a school that guides us in getting the job done - not only for our students - but also for the public and the profession.
"Thanks go to each person on our team, both within and outside our school, who by their hard work, support and encouragement make the ever-continuing remarkable successes in our program possible," he added.
Baylor Law School's continued bar exam success is reflected in the U.S.News & World Report's recently released "2006 Best Graduate School" rankings. Among published statistics for the Texas law schools ranked by the publication, Baylor has the highest bar passage rate at 94.2 percent, which is just below the 94.8 percent bar passage rate of the No. 1 school in the U.S. News list, Yale University.
The publication also ranks Baylor Law's trial advocacy program as the sixth best in the nation in its survey, one spot up from last year and five places up from 2003, when it was ranked 11th. In 2002, Baylor's trial advocacy program was ranked 16th nationally. Overall, Baylor Law School is rated 52nd by U.S. News in what the publication terms its "Top 100 Schools" listing. For its 2006 rankings, the magazine evaluated 179 accredited law schools nationwide, using 12 "measures of quality."

Actual Conversation

David: "I like your pudding fork."
Bryan: "What, you have a problem with it?"
David: (laughing) "I love your pudding fork."
Bryan: (apologetically) "We have a lot of plastic forks." (He takes two more bites of his pudding using a plastic fork.) "The only problem is when you get to the bottom. What time is it?"

Bryan reads his homework for ten minutes.

Bryan: "I don't get my Secured Transactions reading." (paraphrased)
David: "Say something funny."
Bryan: "Why, are you writing on your blog?"
David: "No, just say something funny."
Bryan: "No, I don't wanna say something funny."
David: "I hate your pudding fork."

Bryan reads more homework.

David: "What if we're only friends because we were in law school jail together."
Bryan: "But we hang out when we're not at school."
David: "That's true. My armpits itch. I have these really dry spots right here, I always put lotion on them but nothing works. I need to try a new deodorant."
Bryan: "I don't wear deodorant. Heck, I don't even bathe."

Creepiest Website Ever

http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

I saw this guy on Conan and then a friend of mine showed this website to me.

"These hairs are the secret to my super hearing. And the reason my wife has tried to murder me four times."

Costume Party

One time there was this one guy named Ned, and he was like totally wailing on his wife at the ward party. His wife won the most rated-R costume. If you are not Ned, don't worry about understanding this post. Then there was this other guy. His name was Bryan. He just wanted me to type this so he could be on the internet. Then there was this crazy lady at church and she took my basketball and wouldn't give it back.

WARNING: This post rated PG-13

Before you read any more, check this out first: http://toasthabit.blogspot.com/2005/10/fourth-type-of-beauty.html

My brother-in-law Jacob, who happens to be the biggest fan of Whitesnake in the entire universe, calls his favorite musical genre "butt-rock" not "glam-rock." You may be asking, "What makes him an expert?" First of all, he has an electric guitar and a giant amp in his bedroom. Second of all, he actually likes Poison, Def Leopard, and Tesla. Third of all, he played our national anthem on a red electric guitar at his high school graduation.

If your still not convinced that it's "butt-rocker" not "glam-rocker," just imagine yourself walking down the street when out of nowhere you see a dude in camoflauge spandex and red suspenders wailing on his guitar. Most people imagine a little spin move right here. Now, honestly, what were you thinking at the very moment he did his little spin move in your mind? I already know the answer: "That dude is a total butt-rocker." End of debate.

I've been thinking a lot about The Toastinator and his spandex a lot lately. So much in fact that I built a stone monument to the idea in my front yard. A tribute to "hair bands" everywhere. I had one of Jacob's butt-rocking bandmates stand on it. I call it "Butt Rock." By the way, that's a dude.

My Pixie

At our ward "Fall Festival" a little pixie flew down from the sky and I caught her. (A pixie is a cheerfully mischievious sprite.)

Soon, my little pixie was on a sugar high like no other.

We met some ballerinas as well. They were so cute.
One was named Sulla and the other called herself China.

Today, we told Hailey that her carrot wasn't real. She was shocked.



Then crushed.



It just doesn't taste the same once you know it's made of plastic.