Husbandly Advice

Okay husbands, time for another installment of things you shouldn't say to your wife. Trust me on these, guys. If you say these things to your wife, she WILL try to poison you.

1. After a extra-romantic evening the night before, do not, I repeat, do NOT wake up in the morning and say, "Oh man, I feel like I just wrestled a bear!"

2. We've all had this one happen: Before you can even put your briefcase down after returning home from a hard day at the office, your wife hands you a baby and tells you how awful the children have been, how she hasn't even been able to shower for three days and then breaks down and starts sobbing. Do not, I repeat, do NOT plug your nose and say, "You also need to brush your teeth."

3. You're trying to watch a very important pre-season game between the Dolphins and the Texans. Your wife asks you to change a stinky diaper because she's mopping the floors. Do not, I repeat, do NOT say "C'mon Honey, I don't interrupt you while you're making dinner."

4. At your anniversary dinner, don't tell her that your marriage just gets better with time because the longer you're married less you remember about what it feels like to be single.

Dungeons and Dragons Tournament at 11:00 p.m. at Dustin's House

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