Okay husbands, time for another installment of things you shouldn't say to your wife. Trust me on these, guys. If you say these things to your wife, she WILL try to poison you.
1. After a extra-romantic evening the night before, do not, I repeat, do NOT wake up in the morning and say, "Oh man, I feel like I just wrestled a bear!"
2. We've all had this one happen: Before you can even put your briefcase down after returning home from a hard day at the office, your wife hands you a baby and tells you how awful the children have been, how she hasn't even been able to shower for three days and then breaks down and starts sobbing. Do not, I repeat, do NOT plug your nose and say, "You also need to brush your teeth."
3. You're trying to watch a very important pre-season game between the Dolphins and the Texans. Your wife asks you to change a stinky diaper because she's mopping the floors. Do not, I repeat, do NOT say "C'mon Honey, I don't interrupt you while you're making dinner."
4. At your anniversary dinner, don't tell her that your marriage just gets better with time because the longer you're married less you remember about what it feels like to be single.
8 comments:
That's hilarious. I can't wait to show Andy. =)
I have informed Bryan about this post- maybe it will help with some of the "problems" we have been having.
I assume these are purely hypothetical. Good to see you posting again! By the way, #3 is my favorite. I feel your pain, even though I am single and enjoy hoarding skin.
Dave. You sure do know how to woo the lady folk. Love the post. I think the first one is my favorite. You're hilarious!
Good counsel. I see you've learned the hard way.
If I ever accidently get remarried, I will keep this sound advice in mind. No wonder you are a lawyer!
Dear GB,
What is your advice to the husband who's wife is constantly nagging him to compare her to bigger and hairier animals night after night? More specifically, should he draw the line at mythically prodigoius beasts? Ask for a do over so he can work his way through the animal kingdom in smaller scalar increments? What is the right thing to do?
I couldn't stop laughing! You're still quite the character Dave!
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