Hold On Toasty!

Stop the insanity! Here is the blog we will be discussing today: (See it yourself at www.toasthabit.blogspot.com)

Whoa whoa whoa. I was recently attacked by an ill-informed citizen of the United States. It would be wrong of me to assume that this so called "Garlic boy" is even a U.S. citizen, since it says nothing about his citizenship in his user profile. For the record, I AM a U.S. citizen. Here is the article to be discussed today:

Driving is a Right!I was checking out the Toast Addict Chronicles this morning and I noticed that Toast-Addict had an entry in his blog defending an auto parts store. Here is the entry that we will be discussing today:

I am not sure if I like or dislike Pep-Boys yet. The fact that every time I have been to The Boys' place, I have had to wait for over 4 hours to have something done to my car. I realize that a car is a real privilege and that 4 hours isn't that bad to wait for a car repair.While on the subject, I think Pep-Boys should change their name to Pepe-Boys. I think that they would look a lot better wearing sombreros and that one guy already has a really cool moustache. Good work Pepe-Boys.

There are 4 main problems with this short blog entry.

First, owning a car and driving it on the public roadways is a right. Everybody knows that. Driving a car is a practice so deeply rooted in the traditions and history of the people of the United States that to deny it would be to deny the people of this country justice and liberty. To deny a United States citizen of the right to drive his car would shock the conscience of all English speaking people.

Second, the Pep-Boys don't actually exist. They never did. They are a marketing device that the evil auto parts store uses to manipulate you people.

Third, how can you wait 4 hours for them to do something to your car? They aren't mechanics. You buys stuff from them and then you take that stuff and you do stuff with that stuff to your car.

Fourth, this sentence doesn't make any sense: "The fact that every time I have been to The Boys' place, I have had to wait for over 4 hours to have something done to my car." It should say, "The fact that every time I have been to the Boys' place, I have had to wait for over 4 hours to have something done to my car has caused me to seriously injure over 349 Pep-Boys employees." Or maybe, "The fact that every time I have been to Pep-Boys, I have had to wait for 4 hours to get the part I need makes me so mad that I quit eating toast altogether."

Anywho, before you defend them, remember, Toast Addict, that auto-parts stores have been sued over 500 times in the United States alone for fraud, murder, satanic worship, and racial discrimination. Mostly fraud though. Peace.

I can't even believe that I have dedicated so much time to such rubbish. Let me first say that I admire Garlic boy with all of my left foot and wish the best for him and his loved deprived law school students wife. I can just imagine him. Lonely in law school. The only thing sadder than his short stature is his sad face and long greasy hair. His pudgy fingers miss the keys on his keyboard sometimes and so he has to satisfy his frustration by taking it out on others poor grammar. I can see him now, entering his minivan; his resentful tooshie on 3 phone books so that he can see over the steering wheel. Poor Garlic boy. I feel for you.Allow me to explain, my dear friend, that for me, driving is a priveledge. Here in Not-so-pefect-ville we have an evil Car Czar that reigns with an iron fist! As we are not so priveldged to have our own cars, the Car Czar uses the bit of pity he has left in his heart to lend us his boss' cars. I can only hope that some day you will find me, Garlic boy, and take me away to your perfect law school world. Until then, please do not assume that I support the Pepe-Boys. I only want to keep the car that I have. With all of my left foot....

-Toasty McGee

First of all, this blog entry doesn't make any sense. What is a privel-edge? Is that a new fangled razor blade? Second of all, my hair isn't greasy, it is luxuriously moist. How would you know if my face is sad? The only time we've ever met is at the "Garlic Toast Convention USA," held in Tyler, TX. I was only sad that day because I met more toast aficionados than garlic lovers. My fingers are a little swollen, but how dare you mock them as pudgy! Everyone knows that eating large amounts of garlic causes swelling in the extremities and the thorax. I have to sit on phone books when I drive my mini-van because the padding on my seat was eaten away by the powerful corrosive fumes that my body emits. (Another side effect of the massive amount of garlic I consume daily.) I am a U.S. citizen, I am not Transylvanian as some have suggested. And for your information, Toasty, the benefits I enjoy as a result of garlic's amazing regenerative powers, such as the colossal strength of my immune system, far outweigh the loneliness I feel as a result of the odor I now emit. Besides, my doctor said that if I quit eating garlic now it would take years for the remaining odor to work its way out of my system. Anyway, stop being such a toast elitist and try some garlic you cinnamon-sugar pansy! Then maybe you could be colossal like me. Forget about it!

P.S.

Mrs. Garlic Boy actually ENJOYS having her very own wing of the "Ajo Ranch House" as we like to call it.