Mr. T and I are a lot alike. Our lives are built upon a solid foundation of hypocrisy and many an oxymoron. We both love baseball, but hate cheaters. We both adore Tuna fish sandwiches, but can't stand most seafood. We sing the hymns at church with enthusiasm, annoyed by the woman sitting behind us who imagines that she is performing "La Traviata" each Sunday morning. (Less tremolo please, Sister _______. "With Conviction" doesn't mean, "You are a banshee. Now, pop some eardrums.") Mr. T and I love animals, yet between the two of us we eat over 790 lbs. of beef a year and we each sleep under a giant rabbit-fur comforter. Neither one of us wants to get skin cancer. However, we both spend on average 2.5 hours a day sunbathing naked to maintain our perfect tans. Yes, that healthy glow Mr. T has in the ultrasound pictures? Radiation, baby.
You might be wondering how any of what I have written can even relate to the actual 28 year old man writing this and an unborn child. Like I said, our lives are built upon oxymoron upon oxymoron.
When I pop open a cold bottle of water while I'm at work tonight you probably won't hear me say, even though I will say, "This one's for you, Mr. T. This one is for you."
5 comments:
Garlic Boy, it is so nice to read your poetic works of art again. Too long have I gone without reading your sole touching posts. I think I can speak for the rest of us when I say, welcome back and do not stop inspiring us. Texas has been a lonely state, not the lone star state, without you here. Make haste and return.
Warmest regards,
Faithful Reader
I agree, Garlic Boy has helped me in the most dire of times. He helped me kick my skin picking, saving, and eating disorder. His words are like medicine for my soul and his smile takes my breath away. Garlic Boy, don't be so timid, enrich us with your insight and wealth of knowledge.
Miss you,
Skin Hoarder
Garlic Boy,
I have to travel many miles in order to gain access to a computer just to read your posts. Please don't stop. Too many of use are addicted to your intoxicating posts.
Forever yours,
Little Juan
There are many of us that have started a Garlic Boy fan club. We wish to have you come and speek to us at one of our weekly meetings. We read and discuss the deep meanings of your words. We also wish to have you sign books and all kinds of Garlic Boy merchandise.
Don't disappoint us,
Garlic Girls
Are you touching other peoples feet, Garlic Boy? The Faithful Reader said that your posts are sole touching. I would wish to think that he meant "soul touching", but I don't think he did. You are a sick man. A funny, sick man.
-Concerned Reader
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