It's time to answer some of your emails.
Dear King of Garlic,
My daughter is almost a year old. She loves to suck on the rocks she finds in her grandmother's play-yard. It wouldn't be that bad except that Grandma also has many cats who spend a lot of "quality" time in the play-yard themselves. What should I do?
Thanks,
Grossed Out In Milpitas
Dear Grossed Out,
Two options: 1) Stop letting your child play there. 2) Flood the play yard and then drop a live wire into the water. Get rid of the dead animals before Grandma gets up in the morning.
-Garlic Boy
Oh, Garlicy One,
I hate garlic.
-Garlic Hater
Dear Hater,
I'm sorry you are so dumb.
-Garlic Boy
Dear Boy,
I'm about to have a baby and I am moving this week. Is that safe?
-J.R.W.
Dear J.R.W.
You are nuts. I would never make Mrs. Garlic Boy move while she was pregnant.
-G.B.
11 comments:
Dear Garlic Boy,
I need some advice. I have a "friend" that is always cruel to me. He is tall and he always makes fun of me because I'm short. He's always making fun my looks and says that I look like I'm down syndrome. He calls my kids ugly and says his are much cuter. I don't know why he does such things, but he constantly harasses me. Is he jealous of my stunning looks or cute kids? Garlic Boy, what should I do? Help me please!
Troubled faithful reader,
Diego
Some Alien Blessings Save Your Life
Dear Garlic Boy,
I just recently had my very own alien blessing that I would like to share with you. I was out walking one day when the Chupa cabra himself came and told me that he wanted to live with me because I had a 2 bedroom apartment and I was only using one bedroom. After inviting him in, he tied me up and then took me to Mexico. I thought that I was being led to my doom, when all of a sudden, my alien blessing came. A spaceship with the inscription “Tacoma” came zooming by and saved me. Some Mexican Farmers came and gave me 12,347,234,042 pesos. I asked my friend how many dollars that was and he told me 5, but I was happy to find out after I went to the bank, that because of my alien blessing, I am a rich man who will be able to live his dream of being the largest toast tycoon in the world! I am very grateful for my alien blessing, and hope you would encourage others to seek theirs also.
Adieu, Garlic Boy
http://www.gxpmall.bizland.com/Chupa_Cabra.htm
You should keep it up with the advice column thing. It's very funny.
Dear Garlic Boy,
Sometimes when I go to the YMCA there are old ladies singing in the shower. At first it seemed cute, but recently it has started to annoy me. No, not annoy me. It has begun to suck my will to live. Their voices pierce my ears. I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do. I admit, I am starting to feel rather hostile toward them. I don't want to hurt anyone's dear old granny, Garlic Boy.
-Suffering from Old Fart Phobia
Dear Garlic Boy,
i have a problem of saying something opposite from what i want to say that is why i dont have any friends. once i went up to this girl and she was signing up for the volly ball team and i thought that was amazing so i went up to tell her good luck. i reach up to her and about to tell her that but instead i say "this sport sucks, why are you joining it?" in a mean way. then she got mad and walking away and i tried to yell sorry but instead i said "thats right just leave!" So what should i do to solve my problem????
-bad comment giver
Dear Garlic Boy,
I have a problem,(well duh why else would i be writing here)there is a guy who bothers me about my looks, he keeps telling me i'm ugly,and i take it very seriously. I even ask my friend on this and keep telling me that i am pretty and he is just saying that to tease me but im not so sure... what should i do(i think my friends are just being nice)....
your truly
teasedgirl
Hey, I am checking this blog using the phone and this appears to be kind of odd. Thought you'd wish to know. This is a great write-up nevertheless, did not mess that up.
- David
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