Scientists Discover a "Dork" Gene

From the New York Post:

New York, New York--Genetics researchers at Atlantic University claim to have discovered what they affectionately call the "dork" gene. Dr. Wendell Charles Beane, chair of the genetics program at Atlantic University, claims that social outcasts have something more in common than just pocket protectors and fanny packs.

According to Dr. Beane, "Social outcasts may share a gene that explains their affinity for Dungeon's and Dragons, polyester stretch pants, geology, ninjas, ceramic figurines, unicorns, James Dean, calculus, hanging at the mall, lawn ornaments, jojoba shampoo, rainbows, soccer (United States only), geography, leather vests, accordions, vests, Volkswagens, exercise videos, microscopes, bowling, soy, perms, obscure holidays, servers, saying "bling-bling," chat rooms, USC, America's Funniest Home Videos, jazz, demolition derbies, law school, the Dixie Chicks, Star Trek, Democrats, purple, sparkly things, paintings of wolves, dream catchers, dandruff, bologna, Canada, outer space, celebrities in general, Trivial Pursuit, People magazine, encyclopedias, machine guns, siliceous and horny sponges, blogs, fuzzy dice, talk radio, mass transit, genetics, Def Leopard, cats, poison darts, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, lists of dorky things, sea horses, superheroes, nasal spray, reptiles, designing screen savers, tattoos, stamps, computers, engineering (sorry Kaleb), computer engineering, chemistry, sucking at sports, making money from home, acne, no facial hair (men only), plaid, having big butts, Star Wars, and garlic."

Dr. Beane teaches his students that "liking more than one thing on this list definitely means that you have the "dork" gene and that on one hand you should be totally psyched because reptiles and ninjas are tricky and sweet." But on the other hand, if you have "a big butt, you'd better use your collection of exercise videos more because a big butt makes it harder to ride the bus to awesome Star Trek conventions and messes up the calibration on your tricorder." Dr. Beane definitely gets his students hyped for class by showing videos of Def Leopard's drummer in action while they find their seats. Then he brings them down slowly by playing a serene slideshow including pictures of unicorns, rainbows, outer space, Panda bears, sea horses and horny sponges as he explains why the "dork" gene is the sweetest of all genes.