- After Janel packed more boxes than me in our bedroom closet, she knocked me down, removed my helmet, and then stomped on my head.
- A small group of squirrels hijacked my bicycle and then tipped over my garbage can after the big squirrel on the right handle grip lost his focus.
- Hailey and Amanda used the Sharpie markers that we've been marking boxes with to draw matching handlebar moustaches on each other.
- My wife left me for 6 hours to go make greeting cards with her friends and then tried to make it up to me by bringing home cheap pizza.
- I declared my recliner to be "the most perfect of places" and exempt from any discussions regarding its donation or destruction.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Moving is the Worst
Things that happened to me today:
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3 comments:
GB, I think that the truth is evading the surface in these little stories here. Let me know if I am right.
Those poor squirrels. Were they ok after the crash.
I came across this helpful tip to avoid similar accidents in the future:
SQUIRREL CARE FAQ's:
Q: My squirrels never seem to follow through on anything I ask them to do. Is this something I can address through dietary changes, or should I continue the shock therapy until they break?
A: Shock therapy is an extreme intervention, and should only be used under extraordinary circumstances, such as reluctance to kill, or continued inability to lure victims with the bushy tail profile manuever.
To improve the attentiveness of your squirrel colony, simply mix two 1/2 tbsp. of gunpowder, and 1/4 oz of insulin for every 6 cups of squirrel feed you prepare for the moring feeding. This small variation in the normal recipe will drastically reduce training time for most tasks. As an added bonus the insulin contains acids that promote a full and lusterous coat.
Remember, as with most pharmacuetical add-ins, sunflower seeds must be ommitted from the recipe prior to serving. If your colony is on a high-protein late stage diet, or recieves regular performance-enhancing supplements, reduce gunpowder dosage to 1/2 tsp per 32oz of feed. If you notice unwarranted agressive behavior, increased canniblistic activity, or organized resistance to captivity in colonies not considered "attack ready", return to normal feed until hostility subsides, then gradually integrate the enhanced feed over a period of 5-7 feedings.
If, after three weeks on the new diet, you do not notice the above symptoms, increase dosage and proceed with a heavy sense of anticipation.
Good luck.
Hoss just totally one up-ed me.
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