We'd better have a white Christmas or else I'll go bananas and mug Santa. Hmmm. What does Santa do when someone tries to mug him? I bet he could kill you with magic if he wanted. Santa can be pretty tough, and scary. He sees you when you're sleeping? That's kind of creepy. Shouldn't he just check up on you if you're sleeping? Why does he have to watch you? One time I woke up in the middle of the night and Janel was staring at me. I stayed at school a lot that week. I bet Santa is just a weird, creepy elf when he's not doing Christmas. Floating above people in their bedrooms "seeing" them sleep. Now that I think of it, he does have a wild look in his eyes in the paintings I've seen. I heard he has a tattoo on his bicep from when he was in the Navy. I wonder how many people Santa has killed. No jail with a chimney can hold him. He's got a bag that can hold anything--any evidence he wants to hide. He's got lists too you know. A nice list and a naughty list. Is "naughty" a code word for "dead?" How many kids do you know that were ever naughty enough to actually get coal in their stockings from Santa? None? That's because they're all dead! Wait. If Santa actually killed all the naughty boys and girls we'd live in a world free of crime. That settles it. I've just proved that Santa doesn't exist.
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