Facts:1. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Three days later he grew a beard.
3. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and then threw it up a few seconds later fully cooked with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
4. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him dinner.
5. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
6. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
8 comments:
I laughed so hard I cried. Thanks, Dave.
Chuck is pretty tough but I would bet my money on Garlicboy. It is like his body is chiseled out of stone. Garlicboy would tear Chuck in half with one roundhouse kick. Also, Garlicboy looks much better in a tight pair of Wrangler Jeans.
Your mom looks better in a tight pair of wrangler jeans.
I do own over 30 pairs of Wranglers.
It's also interesting to note that since Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 130,000%.
And few people know that the original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise,"and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and he could turn into a pick-up. This was far too awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Good Chuck facts, Leah.
Chuck Norris' beard has been the subject of over 2,490 science experiments. All 3,050 scientists involved died of roundhouse kick related injuries. The indestructibility of Chuck's beard is still unexplained.
One time Chuck Norris decided to play a joke on the guys at his dojo. He wore tight white washed jeans, dyed his beard black, and told his buddies that he was Lee Greenwood. After he revealed his true identity his dojo-mates bet him that he wouldn't be able to fool anyone else. Chuck locked Greenwood in his trunk and sang, "I'm Proud to be an American" during the Super Bowl half time show that evening. Patriotism increased 500% nationwide.
click here for more facts about Chuck Norris
I was so pleased to come across this today, though garlicboy's facts are thicker
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html
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