Cousin Leah suggested that Chuck Norris appear in the novel. She writes:
"Please tell me Chuck Norris makes a guest appearance in this book, and that he roundhouse kicks some opposing big rig and it explodes and then a hott chick totally hooks up with him, but he roundhouse kicks her, too, because she is really a terrorist in disguise and then Uncle Larry and Chuck Norris stop for a smooth, cool, Marlboro because they're real men and that's what real men do. "
I think that this is probably the best idea that my cousin has ever thought of. In her entire life! I like the idea of roundhouse kicks, and I especially like the idea of a terrorist dressed up as a "hott" chick. Except I don't think that Chuck would smoke a Marlboro. He's way too tough to smoke in the traditional sense. I think I'll put in an entire chapter about how he harvests poison oak, dries the poison oak by sleeping on it in Death Valley in July during the day. Then at the end of the chapter, after Chuck Norris has roundhouse kicked Osama Bin Laden's crotch 560 times while Uncle Larry holds Osama by the beard, Chuck and Uncle Larry will crumble the dried poison oak into their beards, light their beards on fire, and then breathe in deeply to celebrate the fact that they have effectuated the first recorded occurrence of death by roundhouse kicks to the crotch.
Just the thought of this is getting me totally hyped to start writing. I'm also thinking of writing another villain into the story line. He's going to be a drug lord from south of the border that tries to steal Uncle Larry's rig to smuggle drugs into America. Here is his picture. I'm still trying to think of a name. Any ideas?
5 comments:
I will use comments here to accrue frequent flier miles, and pay my utility bill at future residences.
You couldn't have made a better choice for your second villain. I believe his name should be Walter. I think it has the zazz you're looking for.
That failing, perhaps, he might be referred to as "Casey", to help build suspense for the ironic, climax when he is revealed to be neither man, nor woman, but an evil super robot. Originally developed to have dashing good looks and impeccable taste, C.A.S.E.Y(Cognizant Android Style Engine Y0314), was damaged in a freak electrical storm in Denton, TX. Like most robots who are electrocuted, he gravites toward Islamic findamentalism, and develops a taste for blood.
Robusto Sabroso-Mallas. Which, of course, means "Tuffy Sweet Tights". And Robusto's trademark saying should be something like "Pizazz". Just imagine his cool south-of-the-border accent saying things like, "All right, muchachos, take over thees rrig, and do it weeth pizazz." Or "That Meester Norris sure has some pizazz." And I like the robot idea. Or maybe Robusto could actually not be a villian, but a hott chick in disguise! What a twist!
PS - Sorry for the smoking thing. We all know Chuck wouldn't smoke a cigarette. But maybe to celebrate they could do like 500 reps on the Total Gym in under one minute, and the friction makes the Total Gym explode and then Uncle Larry and Chuck walk out of the flames unharmed. That's better than the smoking beard, because everyone knows Chuck Norris is completely inflammable.
Its like biblical burning bush. It isn't consumed.
Your story is ok but I think it kind of sucks. I'm more into action figure heroes and all kinds of carnival characters. You should do a story about clowns and terrorism and lions. Now that would be an awesome story. I could only imagine clowns that are terrorists who use lions they've trained in killing the infidels. Think about all the bombs they could put in their fake hair and shoes. There is an endless list of possible combinations that would totally engross any reader. Garlic Boy you are still a rookie and you have much to learn in the art of good writing. Follow my suggestions and your wildest dreams will come true.
How about "Chaparito Repugnante" for a name? It has a nice ring. And I think the novel needs some squirrells
Post a Comment